Frankly, I’ve spent the last few years investing the energy and positive intentions most people spend on the turn of the calendar year into my birthday in February. Selfish? Maybe, but that’s when my year rolls over and I get to start a new.
I don’t really dig the whole new year/new resolutions thing. This year, I’m actually kind of neutral about January having arrived- no grim, no glory. There’s really a lot to be hopeful about given how things were going the last few weeks of 2013, but “eggs in baskets” aren’t really my thing anymore.
That said I thought I’d borrow a framework from a blog post a friend shared and develop a different kind of intention for the year.
Fucks I Won’t Give in 2014
1) Other People’s Opinions About Being Single
Why is being single seen as a deficit? The unattached is always depicted as lacking something, as being incomplete or without. Frankly, I’m finally feeling like I have quite a rounded and fulfilled life. I have a job I like, I live in a fantastic apartment, I can pay my bills, visit friends I love/host them when they visit me, have some spending money here and there. I live in a city I would ride or die for, have my health, my family, amazing friends near and far, whats to complain about?
Nearing the end of my 30th year, not having a partner is what it is. I’m a complete person, who wants what everyone wants- companionship, an equal, a foil- but, and I mean this in the least “Single Ladies,” “Miss Independent” way possible, I’m aight with out it. It would certainly be a bonus to find a ride or die partner in crime that I don’t have to share with anyone, but after some recovery time from a 4 year relationship that ended in 2009, I’m actively not dating and cool with it. They say when you stop looking for something you find it and what not. I never really started, but universe, I’m open to whatever you want to throw my way.
2) Not Having My Dream Job
I don’t love my job. I like my job. Most of the time. I love parts of what I do. But having dreams, and needing my dream job to realize itself are two different things. I’ve said this a million times over, but how does one find the perfect job that involves: comedy- stand up specifically, social justice work, education reform, writing, graffiti/art, dancing (I’m only really sharing this now, but I was in an international folk ballet for years and gave up dancing in college because I thought ‘big girls can’t jeté’ or some shit), critical theory analysis and make money having fun? The job doesn’t exactly exist.
Work defines me, to an extent, but I am not what I do. I am so much more. I can continue to dream, find ways to incorporate my interests into my life, but someone once said something along the lines of (yeah, Fucks I Won’t Give has turned into “deep shit someone once said”): “Work is the vehicle that gets you to the space where you live your life.” Yeah that’s not totally articulate there, but I think you get my point.
3) Feeling Responsible for Fixing Other People’s Shit
The Mag Familia inherently wants to help people. Two things concern us most, “Did you eat?” and “Do you have some place to stay?” My job inherently involves changing people’s lives and I recently joined the board of an organization that’s trying to do the same. It’s in me to help folks. And 2014, won’t be any different, however I have no more fucks to give about what happens when the help doesn’t work out. That’s not my shit to own, and I don’t know why I ever thought it was. I can’t use all my fucks on helping fix shit that’s not fixable, that’s bigger than me, than you, than whatever issues are actually at play. Can lead a horse to water, can’t make ‘em drink and shit. I can listen, I can probe, but I can’t transform, I can’t teach, there’s a reason I’m not on the classroom side of things. I’ll focus on my locus (5 cent rhyme/mantra for you there, going with the cheap hits). My purpose in life isn’t to save lives- so much as work on changing them. Need a hand, no problem. Need a hero, call Enrique.
4) The Hubby, The Family, The House with a White Picket Fence and the American Dream
30 has been a hard, but great year. It’s the year I owned the, “I’m too old for this shit” badge and in many ways gave up on a lot of bullshit I thought was supposed to be by now. I don’t have a house. I don’t have a husband. I don’t have a baby. Don’t own a car. I love bourbon and rye on the rocks but giggle at fart jokes. All sociological exceptions (economy, living in SF, point above re: my stance on being single et. Al.) aside: who cares?
Fuck the American Dream, we all know that’s changing, but being 30 and without these “adult” milestones, I can’t give any more fucks about what I don’t have. What I have is an awesome relationship with my parents, sister who will ride along with my weird schemes but also drag me on her own, the most loving- down ass group of friends spread across the country who get me, know me and know the perfect balance of pushing and coddling being my friend requires. I’ve paid off one of many student loans, have an MA in a field I care about and have a low-level government job I don’t hate. It’s not for lack of wanting– home ownership, a life partner, off spring and even a dog sound great. In 2014- can’t act like those are give-ins anymore. Some days I’m not even sure I want it sometimes. On some real, real, How to Make it in America shit, maybe my American Dream isn’t so much about these ideals, but more about surviving and (I deserve to be shot for this) and thriving.
Some fucks I won’t give this next year… at least I’ll actively try not to. I’m sure there will be others to add, the list will evolve and develop. No more Harbaughing about the above if I can help it.
Happy January y’all.